I’m afraid of me and my boyfriend’s future.

Relationships are not easy at all. If you know someone that thinks relationships are easy, whack’em with a bat for me, please. But on a serious note, I know a lot of friends, including myself, that are in pretty serious relationships and have no idea on what their future will be together. I know a little something about that myself, and it’s scary but thrilling at the same time. Relationships are unpredictable and risky, but that’s the best part about it: they test your best attributes while also giving clarity about what you want and what you don’t want in a relationship.`But that’s what love is all about, right.

My boyfriend, Alejandro, and I have been together for six and a half months, and they have been the best six months of my life. We’re starting 2019 together by saving a budget so that we can have enough money to have an apartment together in Hempstead, TX so that we can be nearby when I transfer to Prairie and when he starts his education at Lone Star. While I’m excited to have an apartment with my boyfriend, I’m also terrified for when the time comes. One of the reasons why I’m scared is because this is a big step into this relationship and knowing myself, I’m not that reliable when it comes to important things like saving money. Although I try, I feel like I’ll relapse and go back to ignoring the important things, and overall, completely shut off my boyfriend. I already scared him with the messages of me better a bit too flirtatious with other guys on Instagram, which is to be expected cause I did do it behind his back. That was the last time that I would ever upset him ever again. But even he admits that he hasn’t fully forgiven me for the mishap. I haven’t forgiven myself either for doing something so stupid and almost losing. Sometimes I feel like breaking it off here and now just to save him the burden from dealing with my bad habits.

Alejandro and I in the vintage on our 5 month anniversary

But then I realize that there’s a reason why he has stuck with me in these past six months. Relationships will inevitably have their ups and downs, but the fact that we can bounce back from our comeuppances is why we are making this relationship work. Because there is a light in the depths are the darkness and as long as we journey ourselves to the light of our love for each other, we will get through anything. Alejandro has opened my eyes and helped me believe that he and I can make it through the year, despite my actions, and that’s what I love about him. From what he and I have gone through, there’s no turning back now.

In conclusion, if you are afraid of what your future with your significant other will look like in the future, there’s no telling. But that doesn’t mean you should run away from it. Instead, you should embrace the unknown and let faith in you and your lover guide you to the possibility that you guys will grow, settle, and have a family. The point is that you can’t close off your heart out of fear that you’ll be disappointed with the outcome. You have to take a leap of faith.

P.S. If you didn’t know I’m bisexual. SURPRISE!!!

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